I still find it hard to think of myself as a dad. It’s easier to accept that I’m a parent. I imagine that you don’t feel like a dad until you can interact with your child and somehow begin to guide them along their path.
It’s very easy to get lost in the day to day maintenance of changing nappies, winding and soothing and forget that the baby you are maintaining is your very own flesh and blood. Every now and again I stare at his beautiful face and remind myself that I had a hand in creating him.
Already I’m aware of just how much he’s changed not only physically but also mentally. He’s very alert now. He’ll quite happily watch you as you talk to him. A frown flickers across for a second and he tries to mimic your mouth movements. His attempts to talk back are limited to a string of ‘coos’ and ‘aaahs’ but he’s trying. He’ll watch you come into a room and walk past him. Those big brown eyes follow you everywhere. He’s already making preferences on his toys (loves ‘Mr Clip-clop’ and his cot mobile. Not sure about much else). His smile is used more and more each day. A session of ‘tickle the tummy’ usually elicits one along with a squeal of delight accompanied by a thumping of the legs. A few nights ago we caught him kicking his cot mobile toys as they swung past.
Just watching him develop is rewarding enough. One only has to look back a few weeks to when he was largely oblivious of the surrounding world and those that care for him.
We’re starting to get into a routine of sorts. It’s not perfect but I think we’re starting to get him to understand that night is for sleeping. He’s certainly more awake during the day, now. Nights are a little less of a battle thankfully. For the most part, he settles himself to sleep with only minimal intervention from one of us.
It’s hard to put into words the depth of feeling I have for my son. It’s almost flippant to just admit that I love him. The words certainly aren’t enough. There are many different kinds of love, but none as strong and pure as the love you have for your child. When I look at his little round face, I can’t help but to whisper him a thousand promises.
Each day is a challenge. Some we win, some we lose. It’s hard work and it can be very tense and tiring but there is certainly nothing in life as rewarding. I’m determined to enjoy every single second with Luke. Time passes too quickly and once this moment has passed all we have is the memory of it. I want every memory to be rich and vivid so I can revisit them with total clarity anytime I wish. As he lays sleeping in my arms, his peaceful face turned towards mine I vow that I could spend a hundred years like that and never tire.