Sunday’s new XFactor show opened with the magnificent twelve attacking the stage with a group number. Simon’s boys fixed the camera with shit eating grins that had the hallmarks of a frustrated choreographer shouting: “no, more!”; and sang perfectly off key. The other acts joined in at strategic points. Most remembered to put the microphone to their mouth.
Last years winner, Alexandra, came back to perform her new single. Dermot asked how she’s coped with fame. She struggled to find an answer. Presumably because she released one single last year then vanished. The show is based on live-or-die live performances. With some irony, she mimed and danced magnificently to her own song leaving her gasping for air. She even managed to pant out a few words to Dermot “live” when they switched her microphone on for the post mime back patting.
Robbie sang his new song with bags of energy and a slightly disturbing grin. After his performance, he fixed Dermot with a wild-eyed maniacal stare and told him: “it is good to be back” much like a serial killer would, after being released from prison, to the victim who got away and called the police.
Madly, the general voting public saved the obnoxious Irish brothers from an early exit. Instead, Kandy Rain and Rachel faced the sing off. Rachel was sporting a fine 80s hairdo and outfit. Kandy Rain looked like goth whores. Simon said “the girls haven’t been given a fair crack” which must have been a dig at the costume department as all manner of cracks were wobbling during their performance.
Simon saved Kandy Rain forcing a “deadlock” where the public vote count is used to save an act. Fortunately the public voted more for Rachel and the vampire hookers were sent packing.