X Factor Wrap Up #3

Yes, it’s Monday; it’s the X Factor result show wrap up blog post!

If you were the talent booker for the X Factor and had to book two big names to perform on the result’s show who would you pick after crazy eyed Robbie and dead eyed Whitney spun almost as many column inches as Jan Moir? Surely you’d play it safe and book the two most non-threatening acts in the world? That’ll be why Sunday featured Westlife and Michael Buble. Surely you’d be hard pressed to find two cuddlier acts.

First up was boy band juggernaut Westlife back after taking a year off. Many think this is to rest and recuperate but I think it’s was because after nearly 10 years releasing albums of covers they needed to take a break to allow other artists to write, perform and release new songs for them to cover. This theory proved fruitful as their new single is, yes – you’ve guessed it, a cover.

As much as I would have enjoyed seeing Shane, Mark, Nicky and The Other One lurch onto stage singing out of tune and collapsing as a finale in their own vomit, it didn’t happen. Instead they sang rather nicely and I’m sure that all over Britain, nans were agreeing what nice boys they were whilst sipping their cocoa and practising their catcalls for that nasty Simon.

They were backed by a laser show even Jean Michael Jarre would have found slightly ostentatious. The neon light beams were quite distracting and constantly threatened to decapitate Shane. Or is it Mark? Oh, the one that sings the most. Not the one that always looks like he’s miming.

Phew. One act out of the way without dresses popping off or manic stares directly into camera 3.

Next up was Michael Buble. A man who proves that God is a woman with a cruel sense of humour. She gave him the voice of an angel, the face of a movie star and finished the package off with the ears from a Mr Potato Head.

Still, the man’s a charmer and sang his little heart out without troubling the tabloids. As nice as it all was, I really, really wish the Robbie and Whitney duet was considered. I’d watch every week for that.

Suspiciously man-like girl band “Miss Frank” and the cavernously mouthed and incorrectly spelled Danyl found themselves in the bottom two. Miss Frank proved that throwing a random rap into the middle of a song isn’t a successful formula and were booted out.

Louis sole remaining act “Jedward the twins” were saved proving that Britain is no longer taking the X Factor seriously.